Thursday, December 11, 2008

More secret status updates

SAHG...

...had forgotten what it was like to talk to somebody on the phone when they're stoned and you're not.
...is usually sympathetic to the jobless, especially right now, but can't stand it when people refuse to learn anything new, and then complain about not being able to get jobs that require up-to-date knowledge in their field.
...wonders if she can get rid of somebody by relentlessly offering unsolicited job-seeking advice.
...now wonders if she can get rid of the friend who keeps sending stupid forwarded right-wing crap by responding with forwarded left-wing crap.
...has way too many friends she doesn't actually like, and too few that she does.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Once a geek, always a geek

This morning I ran into someone I knew in junior high. In my son's nursery school, no less; his son is in the same class of 12. What are the odds? Well, I could figure that out, I suppose, if I knew the size of each class in my junior high in each of the last two years of the 70s... and I suppose I'd also have to know how many duplicates there were, so I could count unique individuals. But that seems like an awful lot of trouble.

Anyway, these things are always embarrassing for me because of my memory. I remember pretty much everything. I remember what I was wearing on October 3, 1981. I remember specific turns of phrase in specific Nancy Drew books I haven't read since I was nine. I remember people I went to kindergarten with, and a dream I had in first grade that featured a beautiful rosebud-studded headband I had gotten for Easter and a boy I had a crush on. He liked to play with my Barbie dolls, but that's not why I think he's probably gay: it was that dream. In the dream I rode a bicycle (which I couldn't do at the time, but desperately wanted to) and rescued him from some people who were tying him to a palo verde tree for some nefarious purpose, and at that point I knew that he was never going to reciprocate my crush. But I digress, as usual. The point was that I remember a lot of things that other people don't, and I think it creeps them out a little if I mention it. And so I did not tell this guy that we went to junior high together and that one of my best friends in fourth through sixth grades was his stepsister, or possibly ex-stepsister--his father's current wife, who is in the social pages of the newspaper at least once a week (and I know this because my mother tells me so), might not be the guy's mother. It was weird enough that I recognized him at all. Probably I should have just pretended I didn't know who he was, so I didn't look like the kind of weirdo who goes to the reunion and tells a lot of people who can't remember her name what they were wearing on October 14, 1981, because trust me, I could probably piece it together if I really tried.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Real Status Updates

A lot of the time while I'm driving along I amuse myself by thinking up status updates that I would never post in a million years. For example:

SAHG is wondering if [xxxxx] knows that he's Twittering to all his Facebook friends, not just the one he direct-messaged.

SAHG feels like she's playing the role of Cordelia in the Dysfunctional Family Theater's production of Lear. (The sister who plays Regan--or maybe Goneril--is on FB too)

SAHG secretly thinks that some of her Facebook friends are idiots, and wishes they'd quit sending her hugs, snowballs, ornaments, delicious coffee, and other things that she's just going to ignore anyway.

Fortunately, Kvetch is back, so if I really wanted to, I could get out some of my irritation by using it. I was going to write my own little web app to do exactly the same thing (sans Twitter, since I'm not really a huge Twitter fan), but Kvetch saved me the trouble.